sick yet hard

I don't what her real deal is. Isn't it enough that Daddy troubles me EVERYTIME?! Can't she just become a simple person who asks how my day went in school, makes me propper lunch, and not nag me the moment I step foot on the white tile of the place I call home. It doesn't even feel like home when she does that! It makes me want to run off and just forget I even have a family.

Now that she's sick, I thought I would come home to a quiet house, with nothing to eat on the table (I don't mind that since she's sick but it's like this everyday) but no. I came home with her greeting me a distance from the main door, mumbling words I couldn't understand and I hated that she was like that. I just got home from school and already I'm feeling the pressure of actually being at home! What am I? NOT human? NOT her daughter? NOT a stressed student with exam coming up in two weeks?

It's like she expect to be treated like the princess/queen while she's sick. Hell, i'd cook you lunch, buy you food, do your laundry but I am not treating you any differently. I may be your daughter but I have been mad at you for so long now for what you did for me all these years. You are nothing to me. Mother I must call you but you piss me off and always give me no support and make me sad and alone all the time and you just kill my dreams. Is that really what a mother should be doing?

People can call me over the top for saying all this towards the woman who gave birth to me. Whatever okay. I don't give a damn. I prayed, and have not been very patient with anything all my life, I admit truthfully that I also may have doubted God, but I have had enough of this.

I keep trying to be the ideal daughter, but I can't. I took my friend's advice to stop yelling at her but when I try she yells louder and louder and LOUDER. It's a never ending story I tell you. It's like being cursed to something so painful.

I can't wait to turn eighteen, really. I can't wait to go away. Even if I have to stay in a low life apartment, I'd take it. Anytime than being home nagged all the time.

Jeez.