It's almost 1am and i'm still up

I guess i'm just feeling a little disturbed in my mind. Maybe i'm thinking too much? Or rather i'm missing my family? Hell, I don't feel loved at all here. I just miss that feeling where you have a mother who cares for you when you wake up first thing in the morning. Maybe I lost that vibe because of so many fight I had with her over the phone. Maybe it's because of the fact that some people love inventing twisted stories to my parents making them hate me more each day. I don't find this as any bullshit trial! I know saying this would probably suck because firstly, i'm not supposed to doubt God that He can help me through. Secondly, i'm not supposed to hate every wrong things that's happening because it's the one thing that helps me grow up!

*sigh*

I just feel so down. I don't know. Maybe I should be places in a ward. You know, the mental ward? I miss the times where i'd be at church alone on Sunday afternoons, waiting for my band mates to arrive while I just silently remove my thoughts for Jesus to hear. Then i'd feel so much better. I'd feel so deliberated I just smile the whole day. Heck, it's not possible NOT to smile when i'm in church. It's the one things I love about putting myself there.

But here...I don't even have the bloody time or even transport to visit Jesus. I love You Lord, I do and I keep saying and maing broken promises about coming to church on Sundays..but I always end up failing that task. I can never fulfill them here. NEVER. And the fact that i'm turning eighteen this Monday...I just really want to go to church this Sunday, tell You how much i've missed serving You Lord, and worship You my Lord, there's so much pain and burden in my heart that I feel so alone and lost. I want You to come into my life Lord, I want You to be here with me again, guide me and tell me the right things. I want to be able to praise You!

God, I hate shedding tears before I sleep. It sucks. There goes my eyes for college. Haizz..my parents are coming next Friday. I don't know...maybe a month ago i'd be ecstatic about it but now, it's just a piece of crap knowing they'll be here. I don't want to face them if they refuse to treat me as the person I am. Hell, my mother can't even say any decent words with me on skype earlier. I was peacefully enjoying my evening, until she videocalled for some group cam reason with her sister which HAD to involve me, then when her sister couldn't get things straight with the cam, my own mother didn't even have the strength to talk to me. That shows how much hatred she has for me. SO WHAT'S THE POINT OF COMING HERE AT ALL MOM? WHAT'S THE DAMN POINT?

I'm so sick and tired of everything. I just am..the thought of qutting college is intimidating but the thought of quitting then going HOME, now that just sucks. I don't want to live like this. I don't want to sleep everynight crying. I don't want to close my eyes with pain in my heart. I DON'T WANT THAT.

*sigh*

Misunderstandings are just effing shit man. *yawn* Here comes my sleep. Finally.

Goodnight world.

I have a friggin STALKER. -.-

LOL. Why is my life always surrounded by stalkers? :P or should I say fanatic stalker for I don't know what reason. I mean, I'M A NORMAL PERSON. LEAVE!! :O

Well, it all started from a friggin video in YouTube that wasn't even suppose to be there! *gasp!* I know. Lame. I was performing for some church sale obviously, but my co-singer HAD to put it up on her YouTube page. So not cool man. I didn't even know about it until I researched myself! HAHAHAHAHA. Idiot right? To RESEARCH YOUSELF?! xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Boredom may struck at times. So what the hell. :D

Anyways, so this video I showed my cousin, and THEN SHE HAD TO SHOW HER BFF. AND NOW SHE'S MY FRIGGIN STALKER. FANATIC STALKER. LMAO. It's cute in a way, and then it gets annoying. She's probably reading this now, but so what? It's like the coolest way to annoy her back. Ngahaha! Plus, she's promoting my blog in her blog! Dang girl. -_____________________-

LOL. I feel so kiddish right now. Some of the lines in here comes from the songs i'm listening to right now. HEH. Ok then. That's it for today's post. I gotta get on with homework. HAIZ. And you know..texting sumbooodeee. HEHEHE.

Toodles!

It's Official?

I just realised something..

I never made it clear in my blog that I have a boyfriend? LMAO. It's so damn hard to get use to calling him that. He makes it so easy though calling me his girl and calling me sweet names. SO HARD FOR ME. -.-

How is it that i'm not normal with this feeling? How is it that I blush ALL THE TIME when he makes a remark on something so simple?

Despite the complaints, I actually love feeling this way. It keeps me away from the troubles reality has. But sometimes, having him doing this kind of sucks too coz he's not by my side at all to actually make those remarks real. *sigh*

I wanna go home. I don't wanna go home.

LOL.

So yeah..I think it's official with him though coz we've let the whole world know about it through Facebook on the 31st March 2011. :P I know, i'm counting dates! How pathetic have I become?! LMAO. Which reminds me to add that we've survive both irritating attitudes for 2 months now. EHEHEHE. I hope he last coz I really don't think I like him. *giggles* Hidden meaning would be: 1.3.4. NGAHAHA. Whoever doesn't get this, then it's your loss. :D

^^ Have a wonderful day bitches! Toodles!