Twice now. Once again another similar nightmare. I can't put my finger on what I did to make myself earn this. I can't put blame on my Holy Bible either. It's not it. The nightmares were there before I even bought the book.
I was figuring out just about how I could explain it to anybody. Is it even normal for one to have repeated dreams? Is it supposed to carry a sign? But what could it be? I’m not proud to be a disloyal Christian and having these frightful nightmares at times made me wonder if it has anything to do with religion.
I mean, one of those I could remember began with...
'...the vivid picture given was of me running down flights of stairs, trying to reach the stable ground of humanity, but I have to pass through a spiritual realm, where disturbed spirits were walking the grounds, pushing me off guard, misleading my faith and calling me to follow them. I couldn’t tell if this was God calling me, or was it Him putting me to test to see whether I could still believe in Him while surviving that menace He threw upon me. I fear at one point, that I might not even make it out of this dream. What if I die in my own disregarded dream?
I remembered saying a prayer as those flights of stairs I downed endlessly. I said the Our Father. I sang it. But then, I scared myself when towards the end of the prayer, I’ve forgotten the lines. I was unable to complete my sentence, my prayer and there and then my faith shook. But also I recalled, I put my foot down to steady and rebuilt my belief. It wasn’t right, I had told myself. Then, there was this clear picture again, that was there in the last dream God knows when – I was in the spiritual realm where there was only a narrow pathway for us to walk and the rest was water with the dead swimming in it and burned grounds which I dare not step onto. And again, the big black round stone was sitting in the way of our path and no more stairs were to be seen. We were still supposed to walk down. Captivated by fear, we then noted that in the far west, we could see the broken down dungeon, the sounds of screams of deaths penetrated our ears and the scratch of the metal ball with the gruesome floor echoed in the distance. How was it that from the top of an old flat apartment floor, lead us here through a fire exit. What was the significance? And I woke up.'
That wasn't all. There were others. Sometimes it scares me, sometimes it amuses me, sometimes I feel used; I needed to write it all down when I can remember them.
'I was running. Around the church if I wasn't wrong. There were the familiar pebbles on the side walls below its black grills. However it didn't feel like the church. The mood was goth-like and there was a roof above us. It wasn't supposed to cave us like that. We were not prisoners, we were supposed to walk free.
Then I realised. I had a veil on my head. I could see the hood falling right above my forehead - it wasn't too clear. Maybe it was just my imagination in a dream. The crowd was buzzing, in and out through the entrance as I got closer. They went with me, and they went against me. I was looking for someone, Daryl. I was meant to surprise him, he didn't know I was home - was it home now? At the end of the alley, I finally reached the entrance and there I saw 2 familiar women. One smiled at me and hugged me and the other was startled to see me. And that's when I made a turn and he walked passed me. His uncharactered face, slunting walk and poster figure - passed me as if I wasn't just standing there awaiting him. I don't know if it was what I wanted to see or whether he really did looked at me for less than a second before he was swallowed by the congregation in the church. I remembered smiling, and was satisfied, and was ready to walk away. But before I could, he walked out of the church with a shocked expression and he scurried to hug me.
"Surprise, surprise" was all I said to him. I couldn't remember if I was on the verge of tears or not.
I just knew at that moment, the significance was the red pen in my hand.
And I woke up.
But dozing once more, remembering how it felt with him in my arms, it was a different dream that came to me.
There was a bed outside this white Semi-D. Right outside its brownish gate. Queen sized bed. I was laying on it, seemingly asleep. But I awoke then, leaving my purse by the side of its comfortable pillow, slipping my feet into my blue sneakers, I walked into the garage of the house. The doors were closed. Everything was except the outside gate. There was only the sound of wind and tinsy bit of cricketing around the area. Beneath the window was a bench, and there I sat waiting for something, or someone rather. I didn't know.
Then I heard the front door open, and there was this wooden plank sound against the cemented floor. It was like a KHUNK, and then followed by the sound of the slipper, and another KHUNK, then the slipper. I bend forward to get a view on my left and there was this man; one of his legs was a rod. Not literally, just that it was amputated from knee down and it was replaced with some wood-ish stuff. He walked out, to the bed I was sleeping on. In the dream, my heart was beating, I was thanking God that I left the bed. I felt that he was a harmful man. Then I saw him picked up my purse, and his head quickly turned at where I was sitting at the bench. My chest was pounding then, I didn't think quick enough that he might see me sitting there. It was after all his house. He made a dash for me and he was real fast for a one-leged man. I was frightened, I dashed as well. Out through the other gate while he chased after me.
I was crying, and running away - it became a blur. I sped so fast, not thinking where to go and when to stop, not looking back. I remembered taking a right turn and my shoe came off on one side. Up till the end of the street, to another intersection up ahead and finally I stopped and sat by the drain side for a breather. While doing so, my head was looking around for that man. He wasn't around anymore. Was he even chasing after me? Good Lord. I glanced once more and my eyes just stopped at the sight of an unfinished building. I could've sworn it wasn't there earlier. It really wasn't. Inside its darkness, there was a slight glow, some sort of a white light and there was a red heart shaped stuff as well. One moment it brightens, the next it fades. As if it was calling for me. But I was too focused on gasping for air, I couldn't give two shits about it. For all I know, it could be my eyes playing games with me since I was kind of seeing stars from the running.
Then a little boy tapped on my shoulder.
"You must come back" he said, eyes piercing deeply into mine. He felt unreal, but he could touch me. He wasn't fiction. "They need you, you must come back" and he pointed at the undone building, directly at the white light that still seemed to be there. The whole scenario was gulping me down. It was like deja vu when the boy hugged me - the building, the yellow-orange plastic tricycle, the light, the heart. What is it?!'
I couldn't decide, and I felt lost. I never lost faith completely, just usually a little doubt. But somehow, these nightmares got me thinking to search out for what He wants me to do. That's why I bought the Holy Bible. To read for guidance, to read to understand. I was judged for it; but I never took harsh comments seriously. It's not something I would believe if I know my reasons to my actions.
I don't have much questions, but it comes while I read. But the questions are not in forms of words, they come through feeling. Like there's so many question marks being scratched out in my soul, but actually no questions, just the questions marks.
And the strange becomes stranger when the nightmares took a different turn once I started reading. The first dream wasn't too bad I guess. It was more like a movie.
'It looked as if we were working for the CIA - me, mum, dad. I remembered only at one point, I was being burnt. It was an open field. Something that looked like the field behind the block of my high school, only it had higher grounds. I was crouching, a gun in hand, aiming at a person at the other end of the field. We were flawless, careful but suddenly I was on the ground, injured. The next thing I know, I felt my skin sizzling beneath me. There was fire. Like charcoal my arm became. It burned, turned orange, then black, then it began falling piece by piece like charcoal in fire. I knew I was dreaming. In reality, I could feel the soft bedsheet beneath my skin, I could feel my hair splayed out on the pillow, but I couldn't open my eyes. I was squirming in bed, struggling to wake up. My mind was half on earth, half in my dream. I was burning in my dream, but I was squirming in bed. That was really disturbing. And eventually, I woke up.
But from the tire, I slept back off, and the dream where my parents and I, we were in the elevator, with this man in a full suit carrying a suitcase. He looked important, he looked dangerous. There was a conversation going on but it's a blur now. All I knew was we were supposed to get away from this man. So when the elevator doors part open, I saw my parents dashed out quickly, and this man raced after them, but I just stood there, and took the ride down. My dad's phone was with me, I didn't know why. For a minute I was relaxing, and then I was panicking, wishing the damn thing would go any faster. Once out, I saw my parents waiting with frown lines, they waved for me to hurry. I ran, then we ran, ran for the car up the hill. They were yelling at me, vulgars of worries to how I shouldn't be risking my life back there. The man could've killed me. But when we got away from it all, the whole dream just ended with a humour that dad wanted to buy a private jet plane.'
What are my dreams telling me? It's driving me insane! And just last night, it got freakier. My roommate said she woke up finding my hand up in the air, moving a lot. She should've woke up. It wasn't a pleasant nightmare. It was the same nightmare, I just don't remember from which sleep...
'#172, room 212. That was the address. I didn't know where I was but my cousins were with me - Christopher and Steven. As to why they were there, I don't even know. We were running - yes, running again. It's like a bloody marathon - away from bunch of kids? Adults? Uncertainty. The road was clear, skies were grey, there were bumps to avoid, to jump from. Until we reached the corner - out of no where mum came out from hiding, she was with a sign. A blue sign with white numbers sprayed on it. "172" it wrote largely and with the sign mum motioned to my right and that's where we took a turn to run into. It was then the bunch of kids/adults weren't chasing us anymore. The havoc was gone. It was silent, where all we could hear was the thumping of our heartbeats and our footsteps. The area of the building we entered felt isolated. It was like living things weren't meant to step foot on its grounds. Me and my cousins made a round of the perimeter, there was no where else to go. A large building which goes only around, and had one entrance. So we entered to search, but everything was ruined, and dusty and just broken apart. And it wasn't the ground floor on the ground floor. It was the eighth floor, on the ground floor. It was really strange. Then we found stairs at another corner of the building. Doors just seem to pop out of nowhere. It's said so because we didn't see that door earlier. There was nothing but the entrance door and suddenly there's the stairs door? But maybe we missed it.
The stairs were these beautiful yet old wood, arranged plank by plank, with the shadows of darkness peeking in between the holes. The wood creaked beneath us. Reaching the top, my cousins took the right hallway, I was going to the left when a woman walked out of the door and by accident she kicked off one slipper. Being nice, I walked down to get it for her. The shadows were creeping me out, felt like I was being watched. And when I went to hand back the slipper, she had a child with her. I noticed how their faces don't seem to be smiling. It was very...lifeless. Uncharactered. She thanked me, but it felt like she didn't.
I shrugged off the emotion creeping up my spine. This wasn't the time to freak out. I knew what I was up against in this dream. I knew it was something bad. I KNEW. I went on to search the left hallway then, but it wasn't much of a hallway. Shortly ahead, there was a thin white curtain draped from the ceiling. As if beyond it was a living room. I could hear the television, but there wasn't any sound of life. Some sort of breeze was blowing the curtain, allowing to to sashay, but no wind touched my skin.
I passed the curtain and was startled by the stoning sideview of an old lady's face on my left. She was trained on the television. There were kids too, some just focusing on the show, some were eyeing me.
"Hi..." I voiced, feeling uneasy. How was it possible to have a living room out in a hallway? On the second floor. Where were the rooms? "I'm looking for room 212?"
The old lady's head turned sudddenly, facing me and the television just went static. Her face was pale and unmoving. Her eyes didn't blink and they were abnormal. They were completely blue. It was as if they were blue pearls, only I didn't find them attractive, I find them scary as hell.
"Over here!" I heard Steven's voice called out on the right hallway when I was just making my way there. I walked in a fast pace but suddenly there was weight rested upon me. The presence in the building was very VERY heavy. I tried muttering a prayer but my mouth was being shut up. My tongue was frozen, my lips unmoving. I forced myself to speak, to keep going with the prayer. It's not time to give up. I kept going, in my heart, in my mind.
"Father Lord, I pray upon myself and upon the deal before me, I pray for Your blessings be shed in here, for Your guidance and protection..." my mouth was frozen. I fought it. "Our Father in heaven, Holy be Your name..." SHUT.
I attempted a yell, I couldn't. My ears felt blocked and greasy. My shoulders and body felt weight being given.
"In the name of Je-..." SHUT. "OH MY GOD!!!" I belted out and that's when the doors began opening fiercely and Steven's voice appeared. He walked out from the left room.
"212" he pointed ahead of him.
I walked in and it was bright. There was a television set, a chair and on it she sat. I couldn't remember if she was brunette or blonde. I knew her. But I don't know her. She smiled and her pretty faced sent shivers in me.
"May God bless you and protect you child. May this demon within you, LEAVE. In the name of Jesus, I nngggggghhhh..." SHUT.
I closed my eyes and did the sign of the cross. It was a struggle to even do so. I knelt down and prayed out loud - trying to at least.
"Our Father in heaven, nnnnngghhhhhnnnnn, Your nngghhhhh come, Your will be done, on nngggrrrhhhggg annghh unnn...on earth ngg as...unnghh..it is..in ngghh...heaven"
The girl laughed and her white eyes trained on me.
I became enraged and signalled the sign of the cross before her face. It wasn't a good thing for her I think as her face suddenly turned bitter.
"What did you just do?" she growled.
"The sign of the cross. Father will bless you. His will be done-"
"What did you do?!" it was louder now. I didn't know what came to me but I stood up and placed my right hand a top her head and finished my prayers in silence. The Our Father, the Hail Mary, the Glory Be.
She struggled, she couldn't touch me. Half way in my prayers, my dad walked in. His eyes were on me at first, then he saw the girl. I told him to get out, it was a demon. Why was he even there in the first place? When I was done, I let go and backed away. The girl was angered. She was speaking a different language. It seemed vulgar. I backed away, and from the door there were people coming in. Some were holding guns, some were with a rosary.
WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON?
#172, room 212.
Then I woke up'
The worst thing to say is that i've only read up to Chapter 10 of Genesis and these are the nightmares i'm having. Would I manage the whole book?
No comments:
Post a Comment